Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
my poor anus
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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