from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
