K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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