I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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