Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
