i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
