did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
