He uses pillows to masturbate.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
