Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
