I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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