I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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