My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
