Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
