NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
