ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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