I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
