My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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