I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
