i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
