He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
