Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
