I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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