are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
