Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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