the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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