smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
