the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
