I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
