He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
