Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
