based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
