She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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