We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
