I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
