Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
