I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
