I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
