I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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