You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
