So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
