Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
