I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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