Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
