He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
