new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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