He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
