Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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