How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
