i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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