My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
