Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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