Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
