is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
