How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
