My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
