these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
