God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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