Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
