Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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