Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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