I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
