I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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