cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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