I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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