Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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